why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
