I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
