i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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