get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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