after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
