Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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