Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
