So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
