I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I checked into jail on foursquare
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
