are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize