Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
