you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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