UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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