from now on my penis is your penis
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
