Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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