Got a toothbrush?
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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