I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Randomize
