i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
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