I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
