9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
Randomize
