he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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