Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Randomize
