Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
