I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
