He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
