Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
