he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
