i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Did I show you my penis last night?
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
