If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
