I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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