he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
