If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
