i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
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