Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
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