I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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