If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
