note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
I have post one night stand depression
Randomize
