Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
I'm jealous of your bromance
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
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