My underwear smells like fireworks.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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