Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
