I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize