Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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