I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
