My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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