This gyro tastes like lonliness
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
