how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
