so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
