I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
