What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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