And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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