You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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