Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
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