dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
accomplished twins. life is a go
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
