I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
