He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
