I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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