remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
