i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
