Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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