What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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