Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
