Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Randomize
