This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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