If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize