oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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