dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
