Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
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