I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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