If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Randomize
