I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My vagina is officially offended.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
