I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
