And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
