can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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