dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Randomize
