finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
