Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
a search helicopter?!
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
