Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
