found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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