i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
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