My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
Randomize
