You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
