Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
