zippers are such a cool invention
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Never underestimate the power of titties
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