they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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