a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
