And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Randomize
