You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
